Last week I spent time with a young
twenty-something girl who worked as a prostitute. She was smart and
clever and beautiful. We started a friendship a few months ago and
that night we sat talking about life, love and past painful memories.
I was hurt lots by falling into the arms and beds of men who never
really wanted anything else from me. She has a very similar story.
Mine ended well, her hasn't ended yet. As we finished our
conversation she looked at me and smiled. In the end I thought,
'whatever why not charge them now I call it a job. I am a paid whore
instead of being a whore '. She puts a price on herself because in
her mind she was worthless. I wish I could tell you more of her story
but it's not mine to tell and one day I hope women will hear it and
be challenged and changed like I am being. This is a small bit of
mine.
He said things 15 year old girls should
never hear. And I listened because he was talking to me because women
with dark tinted glasses (who should have known better) told me it
was good. He taught me to be everything he wanted and I, desperate to
keep my older boyfriend, was all too willing. He spent time teaching
me and moulding me and inevitably lost interest. What was I, now that
he had gone? I had spend my growing teenage years learning from a man
who would never love me forever.
He said things 17 year old girls with
broken hearts long to hear and I listened because you were just like
him. He who ruined me. Every night I would wait hoping you would want
me and when you didn't I would find someone else. When there was no
one, there were things I could take that would make it ok to be
alone. The hurtful, angry voices he had grown in me would get further
and further away and the screaming 'you are worthless, you are just
something to screw;' would fade into the darkness.
He said things 18 year old girls
stopped being able to hear but I knew what you wanted because I had
already known men like you. I dared not seek comfort where it had not
met me before and I struggled under a hating weight that I couldn't
escape from. Men came, none tried, none fought, none stayed and I was
a broken.
You said things to me every girl longs
to hear but I didn't listen because your kind words cut me like a
knife. You said things to me that every girl longs to hear and I
pushed you because they just weren't true.
You showed me the Word every girl
should hear and I listen because God whispered 'this is what you are
worth'.
You showed me love that wasn't based on
sex or lies. You showed me love based on truth and faith
and He loved me unconditionally. It
was hard and it was painful. I didn't think we would make it through
with our hearts intact, but grace showed up and saved the day. Now I
know that the statement of my worth should come from the lips of He
who made me. Even though it is sometimes hard to hear through the
din, I know to look to my Father when I need reminding what a girl is
worth.
