I was so sure my heart would stop from missing life so much. Sometimes thinking about it is the salt taste in my mouth making all sweet things taste bitter.
I've started working now, I sit behind a desk and my heart flies away to you (maybe that's why I do so many things wrong). I waited for someone to tell me it's ok, that what I'm doing now is ok, that at some point this waiting game would be worth it.
My head is so full of rushing and wondering I'm not sure of who I am at the moment. It's a different someone to who I was last Tuesday .
Last Tuesday I was strong and mindfull. I spoke correctly and didn't swear as much.
Today I am ready to run away and leave this place behind. Today I make too many mistakes in the attempt to correct myself. Today I upset people for no reason other than make myself look better. Today I cry. Today I want to tell you that not everything is fairy dust, that some things are just dust.
I'm trying so hard to be what you want me to be. Even when it doesn't look like it I care, because here, in this place, today! I have to.
Maybe tomorrow I will be she who doesn't care what anybody thinks. Maybe tomorrow it will be ok for things to be wonderful.
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