Gentle Soul, you will fly

Gentle soul, you will fly

you will open like an orange and leave a sweet fragrance in the air

gentle soul, you will fly

and pretend that no one saw you fall.

Gently soul, you will fly

and hide between trees and leaves and clouds and stars.

And glide with dragonfly over the waters.

Gently soul, you will fly

and erase all the hurt that sits within and raise praising hands,

and you will say

'I have everything'

Gentle soul, you will fly

and laugh at the past who sits behind glum-faced.

Gentle soul, you will fly

and make everyday into a fairytale

Take me to where love is needed.

Gentle soul, you will fly and when you are tired,

rest with eagles high above the judging world,

with eagles who like clumsy hands and tired eyes.

Gentle soul, you will fly.

because that's who I am today.

I was so sure my heart would stop from missing life so much. Sometimes thinking about it is the salt taste in my mouth making all sweet things taste bitter.

I've started working now, I sit behind a desk and my heart flies away to you (maybe that's why I do so many things wrong). I waited for someone to tell me it's ok, that what I'm doing now is ok, that at some point this waiting game would be worth it.

My head is so full of rushing and wondering I'm not sure of who I am at the moment. It's a different someone to who I was last Tuesday .

Last Tuesday I was strong and mindfull. I spoke correctly and didn't swear as much.

Today I am ready to run away and leave this place behind. Today I make too many mistakes in the attempt to correct myself. Today I upset people for no reason other than make myself look better. Today I cry. Today I want to tell you that not everything is fairy dust, that some things are just dust.

I'm trying so hard to be what you want me to be. Even when it doesn't look like it I care, because here, in this place, today! I have to.

Maybe tomorrow I will be she who doesn't care what anybody thinks. Maybe tomorrow it will be ok for things to be wonderful.

I just want to tell you!

I want to do something!
Anything.
I want to write,
I want my words to flow freely from my pen
I want them to rise up and dance.
I want to run
somewhere, till nothing matters
what pains cant space heal?

I want to know what I have never understood before.
I want to sing
and shout
make me a little girl
I want childlike eyes so when I look at you I just see you!
I want to talk
I want to ask you things and tell you things

I want my heart to blanket
(not my heart your heart)
I want to love everyone, I do
I want everyone to know you
God's high, long, wide immeasurable love.
And if you don’t know it yet
My love for you matters

My love for you matters

and I love you

Even if you don't believe it,
even if its hard to believe it,
even if everyone loves you
in the waiting rooms,
between the sheets
or no one loves you
My love for you matters.

When it rains my father holds a iron umbrella
He is a raft in times of trouble
He is humble and in Him grace abounds

I like to think you know you aren’t forgotten
that all your bruising against this world won't go to waste
that it will burn away to embers
but the embers could guide home ships from sea.

One Word For 2012

A friend sent this website to me. http://oneword365.com/

He directed me to it after a long conversation about life and coming into a New Year. I had made the obligatory resolutions yesterday and promised myself that this year would be the year I lost weight and saved to eventually make it to Australia. I read through and started thinking, what one word could be my moral compass, what one word could guide me through 365 days and make me better. Loving? we could all use a little more of that. Forgiving? because sometimes you just need to, especially when it comes to yourself. Patience? Too hard maybe!

So on the eve of a fresh New Year I finally came to my word. LISTEN, because there has never been a time in my life when I have stopped to listen and regretted it. Because my God and my husband and my friends deserve to be heard. Because the most beautiful, powerful and life changing words have certainly not come out of my mouth. Because you can't multi task listening - it really requires slowing down. Slowing down means being patience to forgive to love and to listen.

As this year flies past like it inevitably will, I hope and pray to come back to this in 365 days and after listening and I pray listening well, really know my heart is fuller for it.  

so.....I punched him!

Some shocking things have happened to me over the years but none so shocking as yesterday when I walking with Annette to work. We were meeting a working girl who was pregnant (with her boyfriend) and had decided to keep the baby. We were heading to the doctors to get her checked out when as we were walking a man passed by me, reached out and grabbed my boob. He just reached out and grab my boob! Can you believe it? Can you believe it? So..... I punched him.

I think that if anyone that day deserved to be punched (and there were a few who annoyed me), that sorry excuse for a man deserved it. Yes I am aware I am a Christian missionary (and shouldn't do that sort of thing) but I was completely gob smacked. How dare he think that he can treat women like that. We weren't even in a rough area, in fact we were in a very nice area so I really didn't expect it. In some areas of Athens men hang around just to watch the women and try and get a feel. Not that it is right to do so but I do hang around in areas of Athens that has a lot of prostitution – I guess it's the nature of the job. There instead of punching people I scream at them, but even then I haven't had someone just reach out and grab my boob. How much worse must it be for girls who sell themselves for sex? Just because they do that does not mean that these men have the right to them. I bet many times during the day they feel like punching people and worse. I bet it makes there skin crawl just as much as it did mine. The difference is they can do nothing about it. They have to take it because they offer themselves to it. I however will not take it and I’m glad I punched him. Now I don't want to come off all feminist but I believe women deserve to be treated with respect. We are not sex objects, you cannot do what you want with us. we are your mother, your sister, your cousin, your aunty and we will bear your children. Think of anyone in your life who is a female and then think would you do the same to them? I hope he will think twice next time before touching a women like that again and that the bruise will remind him that he was punched by a woman whom he should not have been touching.

Day 30 - A Picture Of Yourself

Happy anniversary.

Well today is our second wedding anniversary. And this morning you went out for coffee and brought me roses. I love you.

For those of you who know me, can you actual believe it been two years since I said yes to the most gorgeous man on the planet? And for those who REALLY, REALLY know me can you believe someone said yes to marrying me?

Thank you for everything you do for me. I love that my family love you, especially my dad. I love that the day we got married you made the happiest of my life. I love that when we sat in the church and I started to sweat you wiped my back with your sleeve. I love that when I wanted to go to Mexico on our honeymoon you kissed me and said yes without any complaints. I love that when we walked into our new home and I didn't like the paint you painted it. I love that when my back went you helped me off the toilet. I love that when I had a bad day you brought me flowers and ice cream. I love that when we got of the plane after arriving in Athens you held my hand. I love that when I cry, you hold me and patch my feet up. I love that when I ask a tramp to come home with me to use the shower you said ok. I love that when I wanted to go to Romania you prayed for me. I love you and thank you.

The truth is your very easy to love, even though you want to build a submarine. Even though you get sick on fair ground rides and don't talk to me for a whole day because I laugh. Even though you love to make spreadsheets. Even though the thing you do to relax is make arcatm news and build websites.

It been great watching you grow in faith and love this year of our marriage. It been so much fun learning with you. Learning how to cope with difficult people and new situations. I just love to be with you. Your my best friend. Once again thank you for putting up with me for the last five years. I look forward to many more adventures.